Selfish. Demanding. Self-centred. Ego. And what not.
Probably thats who I am. Do I deserve any perfect guy in this world? Probably no.
Being in a second relationship, second love, hasnt been making me the best person or the perfect girl in anyone's eyes, even to him or to myself. But then again, my first love didnt made me the best person either. I would say that this relationship has taught me alot of things, of which the most is love. Love is to give and never expect anything in return. Love is to love with your whole heart, not just parts of it. So my question is, do I love him? Which brings another lesson to learn.. Love is to never question your love.
It had been 3 years. Its not always rainbows and butterflies. Lots of arguments and disagreements. Lots of tears and giving up. And I wonder how we still managed to stick together up to this day. I would safely say that he's not perfect. Not perfect in a sense that he has never been my dream guy or perfect in his characters and his way of life. But he's perfect to me. He fits in with my eccentric characters and blends in with my weaknesses. And I hope he knows this. Because not everyone can gets me, mostly the reason why i dont really have a lot of friends i guess.
But when today was supposed to be a good day, a day him and I should me looking forward to, it took yet another expected/unexpected turn. I remember the dats but he don't and suddenly we got into this huge argument. My fault, coz i started it all first. And then we started rambling blablabla... Until he said this, "this 3 years has not been the best 3 years of my life."
Something which a partner would never wanna hear ever in his/her life. It got me thinking though.. That flashback moments of bad and good memories between us and I thought to myself.. Really??
Because for that 3 years, I have cried countless of times. I have given up countless of times. And up till now, it HAS been the BEST 3 years of my life. But I think again and i realised that its the best years of MY life because Ive been all that words as mentioned in the first line.
So my question is.. Do I love him? Because I swear right now I feel guilty at a yes and a no.
Well, he said "I hope we both find the perfect someone." & I hope HE does. Coz in my eyes, he is perfect.
Its not over, yet. But if it does, I will be the one who lose the perfect someone. Coz sometimes, both cant win in a game. Thats the ultimate rule.
& I hope he knows that too.
