I was about to prove to them. It's too late.

Have always wanted one of my own.

Im just not the person to have a pet.

♥ Wednesday, August 22, 2012

It has always been my dream to get married young. Not being miang or mentel like what people think it is. Its just that I am prepared and I want to have a family of my own.

Some will say that they want to work or further study first and marriage comes later. All think of success before religion. All they want is to earn money to support their parents but they forgot/didnt know that as long as you're not married, you're still under your parents' responsibility, which of course, I am referring to Muslims' belief and this post is mainly for the Muslims.

As long as you're not married, your parents will bear your sins. So if you want to repay them, repay by free-ing them from their responsibilty toward you first.

Of course, besides that you'll get "Pahala". It is ENCOURAGED by the Islam marry young so why shouldn't I heed it?

I have always wanted a big family of my own. Being raised up in a 4 member family is quite "lonely". I love to wake up in a noisy living room, filled with laughters on weekends, the joyous moments during a special occasion.. I've always imagine myself being a mother to five kids.

This is my life. From Allah, I came into this world, and to Him, I return. So I just want to please Him, not anyone else. Just because you're not ready to marry, just because you dont want to have kids or a lot kids, that's your problem. You don't approach me and tell me I should work and be successful first before thinking about marriage. If I can handle it, why not?

Despite my current situation now, I am still trying my best to figure out ways in order to succeed in my plan. I don't know whether I should further study or just find a full time job and get married. It seems like furthering study would have been the best option if only money would just fall from the sky. If I were to study, I can't save enough which hence, will prolong my plan. And everything after that will just not fall into place.

So many things in my future plan, so little time.... And no money. Surely, I gotta have to agree that for this, money sure does brings happiness.

♥ Monday, August 20, 2012

If you had a dream, which force you to choose one out of the two options, both whom you equally love, who would you choose?

One: someone who understands you, stayed with you through hard times, ditch anything and everything for you, fight and protect you even if having to go through with his own parents, always wanting to know more about you, chased after you when you give up, calls you in the middle of the night, or in the wee morning just to solve the arguments because he wants you to sleep with a smile and a happy heart every night. Only that at the end, he ends up leaving you because he had enough, he got hurt with your own actions, and you didnt chase him back.

Two: someone who loves you and hold on to you no matter what. Who keeps coming back to you no matter what. Makes you happy and treats you with great kindness. But never takes the chance to get to know you better. Never try to understand you. Didnt prioritize you.

So tell me. Tell me who would you choose if the first choose to come back. Would you choose someone who never gives up or someone who understands you as you are?

♥ Tuesday, August 14, 2012

I'm sensitive, and probably 99 percent of my friends doesn't know it. The slightest mistake people do can make me upset yet no one seems to realise that.

I'm just a girl, who had went through a rough time. And i'm just a girl trying to make the best of everything now. The past made me the person i am today. A person who gets rigid at every single thing, a person who is hot temper, a person who is heartless. But i'm still the same girl who yearns to have a boy who will love her wholeheartedly and won't leave her no matter what.

Maybe love has never been a luck for me. Maybe I dont live to love and to be loved. And finally i understand. I dont deserve it.

All they want is to see me happy. All they want to see is me smiling and know that there's so much life has to offer to me. Nobody wants to know exactly what i want.

What i want is just someone to understand me, to know more about me. Someone who will listen to what i like and dislike, how i prefer things to be solved. All I want is someone who sits with me on our happy days and simply ask questions to know more about me. Not to understand me only when i was mad and angry.

I just want something simple. Yet all of them makes it look so complicated.
I didnt ask for something impossible, but why is it so hard for them to listen to me?

Everyone says they wont leave no matter what. What do they mean by "no matter what"? Coz for all i know, everyone leaves at the end of the day. Nobody loves somebody enough not to let them go.

Im just a girl. And maybe i've not met the boy yet. But so far, i've learnt that im not worth anything. I'm just nothing. Nothing.

♥ Wednesday, August 08, 2012

I love the song. I love this meaning.

Even though the years have passed
I remember your face clearly
When these stars light the sky
I feel like i see you in my dreams every night
Always reminding me what i've lost
Sometimes i wish that
We had never met
So my heart could heal these wound
Even so i still can't seem to forget you
On lonely nights when I am lost in all of my memories
Oh please just let me go
I need free from this aching heart
That brings me nothing but lost hopes for you
Why can't I move forward when I know you're gone
And when I close my eyes
I can only wish
That you're here with me again

♥ Monday, August 06, 2012

Im not a forgetful person for i can remember the past and certain people who made an impact in my life. But most of the times, I tend to forget the most important things in life.

I know very well who stay with me till now and who left. I know very well that now, I have this guy in my life who makes me happy and content.

But sometimes I forget. I forget that he is the love of my life now and not someone from the past. He's the one who gives me sweet surprises, the one who makes me laugh and smile, the one who is always being sweet. Its no longer the one from the past.

Maybe I was too used to living in the past that no matter how long i am in the present, a part of me still stays in the past. I tend to forget the ways to handle this relationship because its not the same as my previous one.

I get mad when things doesn't go my way. I get furious when he doesnt do it the way I expect him to do. It's not that I forget that everyone is different. But its an immediate reaction I gave because I forget who I was with. Its the mentality thing which I have issues with myself.

Im not saying I dont love him. I love him, very much. I love both the same for each of them has been the one who makes me happy in my life. But as they said, you can never forget your first love and feelings never really go away.

Unlike my past, my present understand me enough to stay despite my flaws. Everyone told me how lucky I am to be with him. Am I? I am. But does he? No, I dont think so. He deserves so much better than me.

I have lived life full of regrets, full of what ifs and full of blamings to myself. I dont plan to live life of regrets for the rest of my life. But why is it that I always, always making a bad choice for myself?

I told him he dont understand me. He told me I dont understand him. But my main problem here that everyone fail to see is that I can't understand myself to understand life and love.

♥ Wednesday, August 01, 2012