Sometimes, at my lowest state of moments in life, I really wish that I have his number; so I could just dial the 8 digits away and rant till im out of breathe. Because he knows exactly just how to make feel better again.

When I talked, he listened. He doesn't have to look at my eyes when i speak, but he listened. He listened intently to every word that i said. He doesn't smile or laugh or distracted with other things. He just sat and stare into a blank space, stopped everything that he do. That's why I know he listened.

And when Im done talking, he will look at me and its my turn to listen while he talk. He gave advises, changing my sorrows to calmness in seconds. Then, he will give me the tightest hug and he would tell me that everything will be okay because he will always be with me. And yes, it did makes me feel all okay again.

He doesn't laugh at my sadness but he worries. And until i felt better, then he gave me his oh-so-cute smile.

I guess talking to him makes my life easier in some way or another. He knows exactly the way to communicate with me. And probably that's one the things i missed about him. Having someone to talk to. Listening to advise. And the hug. Yes, the hug meant so much to me.

I need that a lot. I need advises, i need a hug, most of all i need a listening ear. I don't need a happy pill that can make me laugh and forget the sadness. I don't need presents or stuffs to get a smile on my face. I just needed someone. And he was there, 24/7, unlike any others.

But its been awhile. I've gotten used to keeping things to myself. I have friends to share with, people who understands, but it just wasn't the same sharing with a special someone. And yes, it's not the same sharing with him.

♥ Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Looking at them shedding their tears as they try to fight with their ego, listening to their heart breaking stories, seeing them trying to mend their broken heart, feeling the hurt that I once felt, its an unexplainable feeling im feeling now.

Love can be such a beautiful thing in life. Yet, its the most cruel weapon that can cause death in our breathing soul in this world.

Its a risk that we are willing to take. To give all out, to surrender our most fragile and most precious organ in our body to someone else, trusting them to own it and take care of it.

& I believe that once you gave it away, you can never have it anymore. You can't give it a second time. And even if you had it back, it won't be as pure as a newly born baby with a new heart. Its shattered, wounded, plastered, ugly, and even more fragile.

I made a mistake for giving my heart away. But it's not a mistake I regret doing. I only wish, I would not have given it when I was still young and naive.

It's a little too late to take it all back. Despite it all, its not only a broken, wounded hearted that I was given back, but he gave me something that I will always carry around throughout my life. It's lessons and memories.

The truth is, I admit I wasn't prepared to face what love has to offer. And I am still not prepared. Im happy with the way I am now, leading a single life. No restrictions, no controls, no obstacles, not heartache, no cries.. Over love.

I did cry once in awhile thinking about the past, how much I missed how it used to be. And every now and then, there's hope. But then again, I have to wake up to the reality of life. Even if miracles could happen, it just wouldn't happen to me.

As I have said, I am happy now. And i have to thank that one person who made my life that had turned black and white once upon a time, to a rainbow with lots of butterflies and full of life.

I am not ready for love. But I love just the way it is right now. Maybe, one day, I'll have hope on love again.. I'll learn to say out that three words again.

♥ Monday, January 09, 2012