Im not a forgetful person for i can remember the past and certain people who made an impact in my life. But most of the times, I tend to forget the most important things in life.

I know very well who stay with me till now and who left. I know very well that now, I have this guy in my life who makes me happy and content.

But sometimes I forget. I forget that he is the love of my life now and not someone from the past. He's the one who gives me sweet surprises, the one who makes me laugh and smile, the one who is always being sweet. Its no longer the one from the past.

Maybe I was too used to living in the past that no matter how long i am in the present, a part of me still stays in the past. I tend to forget the ways to handle this relationship because its not the same as my previous one.

I get mad when things doesn't go my way. I get furious when he doesnt do it the way I expect him to do. It's not that I forget that everyone is different. But its an immediate reaction I gave because I forget who I was with. Its the mentality thing which I have issues with myself.

Im not saying I dont love him. I love him, very much. I love both the same for each of them has been the one who makes me happy in my life. But as they said, you can never forget your first love and feelings never really go away.

Unlike my past, my present understand me enough to stay despite my flaws. Everyone told me how lucky I am to be with him. Am I? I am. But does he? No, I dont think so. He deserves so much better than me.

I have lived life full of regrets, full of what ifs and full of blamings to myself. I dont plan to live life of regrets for the rest of my life. But why is it that I always, always making a bad choice for myself?

I told him he dont understand me. He told me I dont understand him. But my main problem here that everyone fail to see is that I can't understand myself to understand life and love.

♥ Wednesday, August 01, 2012