Maybe I didnt try hard enough, maybe I was really not up to the standards, maybe they all just hate me for some reasons that I didnt know, or maybe with all the millions of other possibilities, it's just not meant to be.
Every single day, I keep asking myself, what is it that I lacked? Why was I reacting this way every single time I was there? And I bet, many would be surprised to see how I was not myself, whenever I spent my time there.
Where did all my enthusiasm, my hyperactiveness, my loud voice, my stupid lame jokes, basically.. Where did "myself" lost to the minute I was with them? I became sullen, quiet, brooding over nothing, sensitive and all the negative attributes.
But I tried. I tried real hard to push myself to be among them. And maybe, if not much, but I guess I did manage to break down the barrier. But every single time I break it down, they put it up back. Perhaps, they should realised that I was the one who needs the feel of comfort and to be welcomed when it was quite obvious that I was the "new" girl.
Why do they have to make it so hard? Why must I or the rest of other new girls keep up with their standards? Why must we always have to be "perfect" when I thought every experience is a learning process? Why is it that we have to put in the effort to push ourselves so that we will be accepted by them? Why can't they simply welcome us and treat us like one of them? Why can't we teach and learn things together? Why can't tey just stop gossiping and talking about other people behind their back?
I remembered my first few days there and i posted "Its not the management that sucks, but the problem lies with the colleagues working with each other."
Maybe it just affects me. But I personally think it was very immature with all the nonsensical actions. And, yes, Im out from it because I have strong beliefs in justice. Oh how relieved I feel now.
