I was 14. I met this guy in school. A year younger but I sort of like him. He was my serious crush, going gugugaga over him like a maniac. I waited for him for 3 years, even though he sort of doesn't know that I liked him. What the hell was I thinking? Haha. But it was a good 3 years and enjoyable entertainment during my secondary life.
Then, I was 17. And I wouldn't say I was heartbroken at that point of time, because obviously it was not after what I'd went through, but it still hurts trying to get over someone whom I had a crushed on for months; spying on him, chasing after him during the morning walk to school, grinning from ear to ear whenever I spotted him.. And imagined the joy I had when I actually gotten his number from himself! Till today, I never regretted even for once for my boldness to get to know him. Because, it's worth knowing him.
But it's not him. I met this guy afterwards. I don't have those butterflies in the tummy or blushed whenever I saw him. It was unexpected, unplanned. But Allah sent me him and I accepted our fate to meet him, to make friends. He was there for me to mend my so called heartbreak. We barely knew each other, but he talked to me and he gave lots of words of wisdom. As days turned into months, my feelings grew. We rarely met. In fact, we met for the first time after 3 weeks of knowing each other and for a period of at least a month plus, we only met twice. But it doesn't stopped me from liking him. My feelings of like turned into love. He was the most amazing guy I ever fell for. Perhaps, it was because he's the first and only guy I ever loved. And I learn what's the true meaning of broken heart. Till today, I never regretted even for once for pushing away my ego to get to know him, to fall in love with him. Because, it's worth loving him.
But it's not him. And I met this guy a few months ago. After one year of dealing with my broken heart, mending the deep wounds on my own, I promised myself that I have to take a step forward, no matter what it takes. I need to move on. And I am glad, I met him. He makes me happy. He tries to make me happy. In some ways, I am treated much better as though I deserves that kind of treatment. He makes me feel better.
I wonder if this is Allah's gift to replace what he had taken away from me. Is this what people meant when you'll get a better one, you deserve a better one? Nevertheless, I have never regretted knowing him, and going this far.. Despite what I feel, despite what people says, but if he's the One, I have to accept with an open arm.
In life, you can't always get what you want. And I have to learn to accept that. There's a reason why I can't have what I want. What I have now, are much better than what I used to have. And I should be thankful for that, Alhamdullilah. Allah keeps his promises. I need to learn to love what is given to me.
But what if.. your intuitions are telling you a different thing?
