Sometimes, we won't really realized something about us until a person told us. I realized something that I'd been missing or perhaps lack of, today. I thought I did my part very well. I thought I managed to make one feel secured. No, I failed. And I only find out when I can't do anything about it, because it's over and done. Did my mistake for this played a part in the reason for the price I have to pay till today?
I guess reassuring someone is not as easy as how it looks like. It's more than just applying the 5 languages of love - Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service and Receiving Gifts.
Maybe my words wasn't strong enough, maybe I lack in spending quality time, maybe my acts of service was unclear, maybe the gifts i bought wasn't much.. I don't know what but due to this lacking in myself to express love, I failed to love and be loved.
Perhaps, it's just not me to express love clearly and all the time. It's not me to show the world how much I love the person. Even when I go out with a guy, I resist myself from being to clingy, if possible no physical contact with one another, not even holding hands. Yes, that's just me. I don't like to express my love that way.
My strong areas would have been my words. But I know, words only is not enough. Worst, Im not good at reassuring someone with words. I don't know what they want. I simply don't know how to make someone feel secured.
But I'm gonna try. I'm gonna keep trying till I succeed. I am no doctor love. I am just another girl who wants to love and be loved. I am still learning the meaning of love. It's not easy but I will learn to love one day.
My past definitely taught me a better way of living for me. Even if it took just seconds, even if it's nothing special, just for a moment that I crossed your mind, I felt pure bliss. Knowing that you did not forget me, thank you. Knowing that I try, though it wasn't enough for you, but you did say I tried, thank you.
