fly me to a field of sunflower.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I can't explain this feeling that I feel for the past few days. I want to say I am happy, but something is holding me up. I want to say I am sad, but I am always laughing and feel contented. The truth is, I don't want to put on hopes in anything. I remember how it feels like to be crushed into pieces and I honestly don't want to feel it again.

I refused to open up even when others said I should give it another try. Only after a year, I have to fulfill my promises. I am trying. I don't know who or when will I really meet someone. The thing is, I don't want to expect a lot and ends up in disappointment. Having to experience heartbroken makes me a cautious person now. I have a lot of doubts and I guess, because of that I need a clear, a very convincing feeling from the person. This time, there's no more time to play guessing game anymore. There's no more waiting game. Coz, this time, once I think you have no bits of interest towards me, I'm gonna walk away.

It might sound ridiculous, very unfair to some. But I am protecting myself. I am guarding my heart.

I have been blabbering nonsense again. Probably because I feel disappointed that I didn't do my best in RJ. Or merely because, I am just in a state where I don't know what the hell is going on in my life.

Hahahahaha. Okay seriously dian? I need to think of a topic that is worth reading and involved lots of thinking instead of emotions. K la bye.

♥ Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Monday, October 24, 2011

Hi, I love this picture. And I love you. :D

♥ Monday, October 24, 2011

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

I can't remember the last time I actually published my post. Been awhile, huh? I guess, I don't have time to talk about daily life like how I used to.

Trust me, being in year 3 is not anywhere near the easy life. Yes, in certain point of view, you could say that. But, trying to catch up with things after almost 8 months of not going to school, is as good as going back to being a year 1 again. Really. Actually, that wasn't my biggest issues. The issue here is F.Y.P.

Yeah, THAT.

The only good thing I can think of is that we're only schooling for 3 days. Which was not totally a good thing afterall; well, for me that is. My free time will be spent on work. Okay, to make it easier this is how my timetable for the next 3 months will be like, or rather somehow like it:

Monday - Not schooling (Definitely no monday blues in the morning) but I have to work (So that means I'll have monday blues in the afternoon -.-)

Tuesday - Schooling.

Wednesday - Not schooling. (But I have FYP so I still have to drag myself to school and I put a slot in the afternoon for work next month onwards)

Thursday - Schooling. (AND I have work after that. But only for this month. Hopefully.)

Friday - Schooling.

Saturday - Gonna spend most of the mornings doing bike prac. Afternoon, I have class.

Sunday - Working.

So when I said, I got no life. I literally mean, I got no life. The only reason why Im still alive is because a handful of kind souls are willing to squeeze in my free time so that I can enjoy bits and pieces of life (For example, tues night or saturday night). But that is almost killing me coz I'll die of exhaustion. HAHAHA.

I don't feel like continuing my bike prac, but its a waste of money right? So I can't forgo it. And I can't possibly not going for another 3 months. I'll get lectured by the instructors! Sheesh.

So what to do? Either I bear this for 3 months or I'm gonna flunk in all areas. Sigh, not even any form of therapies can help to ease this stress away.

Probably a good thing Im single too. Hahaha. Let's not go further to that. Okay, I rant enough to entertain you guys I guess.

So till I find another free time to rant again. Bye! :D

♥ Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Monday, October 3, 2011

October's here. That means my long term holiday is over for me. After almost 8 months inclusion of internship and holidays, of not studying in rp, it feels pretty much awkward. It's a feeling of being a freshman again. While most are dreading for this month to come, I am actually looking forward to it. Despite the things that I have to prepare myself for when Im in school, emotionally and mentally. But put that personal life aside, I actually enjoy school. Credits to the friends and the food of course. But most importantly, it means I am still a student, not fully responsible on financial basis, still able to depent on my parents. I admit, i am not ready to be fully committed as an adult; working adult to be exact.

Let's have a bit of a touch on my personal life. October. It means only one thing. It's officially a year Im single. Through the cries and the heartache, i actually pulled through all of it for almost 365 days. And im sure i'll be able to endure for the upcoming years without a man in my life (except for my dad).

Last year October was torturous, so heartwrenching that I pretty much gave up in love. But this year, I'll make sure I make the best of it. I won't say there will no cries or a tinge of sadness when that particular day arrive. But I am sure as hell gonna be much stronger than I was ever before.

Yes, alone or not, I'll make it through (:

♥ Monday, October 03, 2011