Time check, 3.16AM. I am still wide awake thanks to my miserable heart. Nonono, nothing to do with the twenty second. I was actually happy throughout the whole day on twentysecond. No thoughts, no tears, no flashbacks.. nothing. Im simply happy though it needs a little bit of forced. Either way, I made it. (:Anywaaay, the reason for my miserable heart, yes. It was totally a lame thing. I was trying to get my mind busy and not to think of anything in the middle of the night, and I actually decided to think what I really want to do after I graduated. I can't believe that simple thing actually made me feel restless and upset till now!I have to be honest that I am really unprepared to be fully independent. Who does anyway. While majorities are waiting anxiously to get out from RP, I am otherwise instead. I absolutely love being in rp. Come onnnn, it's not that bad! Yes, the PPTs, the facis can be such a boredom. But look at RP in a total different perspective. I don't understand why people abhore RP. -.- Its either they really took RP's study life way too serious or they are just people who have not experienced being an independent full time worker.Sidetracked. Well, what Im about to say is.. I have decided to further my study. I actually thought of taking up another diploma in RP because I really don't see a promising future with my current diploma. I swear I dont even know why did I take it in the first place. OH wait, I took it because at that point of time, I never thought the slightest bit about my future. Anyway, due to certain circumstances, a part of me slightly wish I will not see RP again after graduation. And of course, I'll be one of the "old aunty" going to school. Hahahahaha. Im not being stereotype or what, but I just don't like the idea of being one of the eldest in the class. So, taking up another diploma is definitely a nono. Not even in other poly(s) because I cannot stand lectures.So, university it is. Very..... demoralising, I know. The fact that at the rate of where I am now, I am far from even stepping on to the universities floor. Now that Im having my final year, and going to have my very last semester in RP, I finally realised the big dark hole I have created for myself. I actually looked at all the university's criteria and wow, I don't know how am I ever going to achieve it. Then.. a moment of stunt followed by the regrets, the disappointment and etc.I can make it to international university though. I did visualised myself going to Griffith University in Australia or Monash University just because I wanted to go Australia. BUT I changed my mind. I am not going anywhere but Singapore. One, I am very dependent on my family and friends. I cannot stand being alone. So, alone in Australia is totally out of the question. Two, money. I cannot depend on my parents to pay for it. Three, I have decided that I want to join Silat back. It's been my passion since I was a kid. But I quited when I was young because I had no friends. Well, technically I have but.. I just don't like being around them because they are "too wild" for me. I am decent, yes. Then, I joined back at RP only for awhile. After things happened, it's best for me not to be a part of them anymore. So yes, I want to be back in Silat. And the only way to do it is to be here, in Singapore.The main objective of this post is to tell all the young kids out there, to plan out your future wisely and start early! I was once like you guys, getting irritated by teachers and parents who keep nagging at us to study hard and plan my future but I was, like all of you guys, too stubborn and take life easy because our life WAS easy at that point of time. It's only when you almost reached the ending point of being dependable on people, a point where you got to face life alone, that's when you'll start to think about your future. It may be too late.As for me, I can't do anything much now. Have to ace my last semester and wish my life all the best. I wonder if RP have a system whereby we can extend a semester or two to pull up our GPA? I don't mind staying another year in RP but NOT three. Gotta start searching of ways out to solve my last minute of stupidity.Help me out somebody. Just being honest,D.

♥ Saturday, July 23, 2011